Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sext me about skeletons
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
