I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
