If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
