we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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