my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
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