So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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