a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize