His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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