His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
