Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
BRING THE BAGELS
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
