Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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