She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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