The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
