i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Damn victory sex feels great
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