can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
