Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
