Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
