Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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