just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
