OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
