We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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