What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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