apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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