i permit you to call me
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
