My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I believe in your delicious
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
