Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
