please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
