Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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