Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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