The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
