Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Fuck appropriateness.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
