Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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