I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
