She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
