we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize