R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
