In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
