I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
