If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize