If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
