Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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