I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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