Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
