Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
