Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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