I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
