You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
