Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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