im six kinds of drunk right now
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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