the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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