Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
