I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just want to make out with him forever
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
