smell my finger.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
