You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
