remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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