She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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