girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
