Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
