actually, I'm a sock model
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
