Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
