i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
