Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
