its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The uberlube is also flammable
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
