drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
