I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I would ride that face into the sunset
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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