How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
