absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
