Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
