What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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