Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
two words...techno handjob
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Damn victory sex feels great
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
