In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
