remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
