You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
