I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
