kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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