I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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