did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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