some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
