I puked a lego.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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