Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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