Don't you send me to vm
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
