I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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