Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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