Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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