it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
