So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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