You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize