Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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