Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the day after is always just damage control
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
