the day after is always just damage control
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
